Kitchen update special   

Many are aware how long Shirley has waited for a new kitchen – let us say ‘some years’ and leave it at that.
Well the project is finally underway ( yea she ordered one then told me the delivery date ).

To help defer the costs of the new kitchen we have decided to sell some of the old one. Before putting these fine items up on EBAY I thought it might be nice to list them here ( and also thereby cleverly avoid EBAY listing charges - cunning suggestion there Alan).   

Nomadic Sink Unit

This freeform sink / drainer unit is of the ‘Nomadic’ type – it can be moved anywhere in the kitchen as long as the pipes reach. Waste pipe fitment is optional but omission can lead to slight but persistant underfoot dampness (tested).

If you have a gentle breeze passing through your kitchen, as we do due to the large hole present in an outer wall then the unit also sway’s gently as the wind front passes through,

Ideal therefore shortly after a serious curry.

We have found this is most relaxing if a little unnerving the first time while washing dishes. 


As can be assed from the picture frontal access is a problem due to an outbreak of bracing needed to keep her upright, however, the unit is very accommodating from the rear – ideal for you then Gary – get your bid in quick and snap up a bargain. 


Structural stability may be best described as ‘poor’ and she does seem to have a bit of a dose of woodworm.

As I need to maximize incoming revenue  I have been forced to list the 'Woody's' as a separate item, (thanks again for the suggestion Alan).   

Nomadic Cooker

This is compatible with the sink unit but will split the sale if required. This fine cooker unit was a freebe given to me by Martyn Mann some 15 Years ago. When I got her she was in fine condition, sadly the years have dimmed her looks somewhat – but she is still red hot inside.   

The hob is 'semi detached' a real up market addition if ever there was one. One word of caution to the dewy eyed new owner only stir viscous fluids, such as custard, clockwise - you have been warned...

On the top we have three and a half functional hotplates – the missing half was a ‘flash’ halogen light bulb thing that went bang some years ago and as it was £100 for a new one was not replaced. 

The little red light associated with the buggered plates temperature went on in sympathy at around the same time – and has sadly stayed 'hot' ever since. 

No worm at all on offer here but an excellent dose of corrosion bottom right of the door and to the rear of the unit.

Ah yes, the door – the glass front fell out some years ago when some fool decided to clean her, too much semtex, "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! ....”. 

The glass was held in by some strange little clips (£10 each) and was a ground breaking  design by the local village idiot (quite obviously a man I am forcibly told). Well, she was replaced with araldite (£3.25 - a nett saving to the purse of £36.75 you will be pleased to hear there Alan)

However this 'modification' does make further cleaning sometimes a little ‘challenging’ – semtex supply option available, (extra cost item).


Woodworm Anobium punctatum (provisional id)

More info here 

Woody's likely also nomadic and therefore fitting in nicely with the general theme of the other items on offer. 

Now only present in the kitchen having been evicted from all other areas of the house by a cruel and spiteful landlord they are seeking a new home. Warm and damp would be ideal but due to unforeseen circumstances anything will be considered.

These items would make a fine addition to any home and are absolutely guaranteed to enhance the genetic stock of your present Anobium puncactum collection no end.  

Dietary requirements are simple – softwood is preferred but these little darlings will also grudgingly munch on hardwood, chipboard and even MDF at a push.  

Plywood is not ideal as it sticks in the teeth and flossing is a real bugger as the local drug store has run out of worm floss (yet again).

Any rot found to be inhabiting the unit is 'extra' and if reported will be charged as such.

Under Sink Contents

Unknown to me Shirley has been collecting a fine array of under sink ‘useful cleaning stuff’. When challenged as to the alarming quantity and obvious duplication in the fine array the response was “I was too scared to go in there (under sink) so just kept buying new stuff”. 

So therefore we have available a grand collection of “under sink stuff” some new, some partially used but all loved and cherished even if in a transient sort of way. Sadly some of the bottles are not marked – pot luck then – does not kill weeds ( tested ). 

Fish boxes are not included in the offering – “mine”. 



So email your bids please to Shirley with the link below  (Don't be shy you know you want it)

Shirley - I want your kitchen